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We adore the ones who ignore us and ignore the ones who adore us

This pattern stems from several deep-seated psychological mechanisms working together:

Dopamine and uncertainty: Our brains are wired to find unpredictable rewards more exciting than guaranteed ones. When someone’s attention is inconsistent or hard to earn, each positive interaction triggers a bigger dopamine hit than steady, reliable affection does. It’s the same reason gambling is addictive - the uncertainty makes the reward feel more valuable.
Attachment patterns: If you grew up with inconsistent caregiving, your nervous system might have learned to associate love with anxiety and effort. Secure, available love can actually feel unfamiliar or “boring” because it doesn’t match your early template for what relationships feel like.
Self-worth dynamics: Sometimes we unconsciously believe we don’t deserve easy love. We trust the judgment of people who withhold affection more than those who give it freely, thinking “they must see something real about my worth.” Meanwhile, we dismiss those who adore us as having poor judgment or low standards.
The scarcity principle: We tend to value what seems rare or hard to obtain. Someone who’s readily available feels less valuable than someone who’s elusive, even though availability is actually a sign of emotional health and genuine interest.
Projection and fantasy: With distant people, we fill in the gaps with our imagination, creating an idealized version of who they might be. With people who are open and present, we see their full, complex humanity - which feels less exciting than our projections.

The healthiest relationships actually exist in that space you might initially find “boring” - where someone is genuinely available, consistent, and chooses you clearly. Learning to find excitement in security rather than chaos is often a sign of emotional growth.

Neurological Freeways

A “neurological freeway” isn’t a standard scientific term, but it’s sometimes used as a metaphor to describe well-established neural pathways in the brain - the routes that electrical signals and information travel along between different brain regions.

Just like a highway system allows traffic to flow efficiently between cities, these neural pathways allow information to move quickly and efficiently between different parts of the brain. When we repeatedly use certain thought patterns, skills, or behaviors, we strengthen these pathways, making them faster and more automatic - like upgrading a small road into a major highway.

The term might be used to describe:

White matter tracts - bundles of nerve fibers that connect different brain regions, like the corpus callosum that links the left and right hemispheres.

Habit loops - the neural circuits that become so well-traveled they operate almost automatically, like the pathways involved in riding a bike or typing.

Information processing routes - how sensory information travels from receptors through various brain structures to create perception and response.

The metaphor is particularly useful when discussing neuroplasticity - how the brain can create new “roads” and strengthen existing ones through learning and experience. It helps explain why breaking old habits can be difficult (you’re trying to avoid a well-established freeway) and why building new skills takes repetition (you’re constructing new neural infrastructure).

Hope Molecules

Hope molecules, also known as myokines, are proteins and other signaling molecules released by your muscles during physical activity.

The term "hope molecules" was coined by Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal to describe how these biochemical substances can literally make you feel more hopeful and resilient.

When you exercise, your muscles act like an endocrine organ, secreting various compounds into your bloodstream. Some key hope molecules include:

BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor) - Often called "Miracle Gro for the brain," this protein promotes the growth of new brain cells and strengthens neural connections, particularly in areas related to learning, memory, and mood regulation.
Irisin - This hormone helps convert white fat to brown fat (which burns more calories) and can cross the blood-brain barrier to promote the production of BDNF in the brain.
Cathepsin B - Released during aerobic exercise, this enzyme can improve memory and cognitive function.
VEGF (Vascular Endothelial Growth Factor) - Promotes the growth of new blood vessels in both muscles and the brain, improving oxygen and nutrient delivery.
IGF-1 (Insulin-like Growth Factor-1) - supports brain cell growth and survival

These molecules help explain why exercise is so effective for mental health. They don't just make you physically stronger - they literally change your brain chemistry in ways that increase optimism, reduce anxiety and depression, and build psychological resilience. Even a single bout of exercise can trigger the release of these beneficial compounds, though regular physical activity provides the most sustained benefits.

Self-Induced Obsolescence

In manufacturing there is a term: planned obsolescence (or engineered obsolescence). The overall idea is that a product is designed to fail, to keep revenue and customers happy. This is also regression and counterproductivity. Essentially this includes everything that either holds you back or causes points of friction and resistance. And most of this happens from reflections, past experiences, and unacknowledged feelings.

Winners and Losers

Theodore Roosevelt and asthma as a child.
Winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners
People prefer a bad winner to a great loser
Because resilience is attractive, despite the odds, you still won
The main problem with people is that they need context. No known wins just imply lack of evidence.

Signal and Noise

The distinction between “signal” and “noise” has been made by various thinkers across different fields, but the most influential formalization came from Claude Shannon in his groundbreaking 1948 paper “A Mathematical Theory of Communication.” Shannon, working at Bell Labs, developed information theory and precisely defined signal (the meaningful information being transmitted) versus noise (unwanted interference that corrupts the signal).

Shoshin (beginner's mind)

Shoshin (a concept from Zen Buddhism that refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when approaching a subject or situation, even when studying at an advanced level)

Overstimulation, Overwhelming Information/Information Overload, and Numbness

Numbness is overwhelming information. Numbness is not that same as calm.

The “Paradoxical Effect” Research

Studies using dopamine (DA) transporter (DAT) knockout (KO) mice have suggested that the paradoxical calming effect of psychostimulants might occur through actions on serotonin (5-HT) neurotransmission , and research has shown that low doses of stimulants focus attention and improve executive function in both normal and ADHD subjects .

The key insight is that individuals with ADHD often exhibit altered D1 receptor availability, leading to inefficient cortical processing . This means their brains operate differently at baseline, so what appears “overstimulating” to neurotypical people might actually bring ADHD brains into an optimal functioning range.

The Stimulation-Seeking Paradox

Research identifies two distinct patterns in ADHD brains regarding stimulation:

For some ADHD brains, optimal functioning involves augmenting the existing stimulation — seeking louder, faster, bigger, funnier, and riskier — the more intense, the better . However, this can lead to a cycle where their brains abruptly demand respite from the commotion, so that they can regroup with negligible stimulation .

The research shows that people with ADHD produce less dopamine from positive stimulation than neurotypicals, which can lead to feeling understimulated in situations that others are typically comfortable in . This creates a complex relationship with stimulation where what seems overwhelming might actually be regulating.

Sensory Processing and Regulation

Sensory processing problems in children with ADHD are more common than in typically developing children , and the ADHD brain processes and organizes stimuli differently . This different processing can mean that certain types of intense stimulation actually help with focus and regulation.

Importantly, love and overstimulation are not mutually exclusive - neurodivergent people can simultaneously find something overwhelming yet calming, which reflects the complex way their brains process sensory information.

The Neurobiological Explanation

We hypothesize that PFC DA is the common mechanism that drives this paradoxical effect . Essentially, what appears to be overstimulation might actually be providing the prefrontal cortex with the dopamine and norepinephrine it needs to function optimally, creating a sense of calm and focus rather than chaos.

This research helps explain why many neurodivergent people describe feeling most “at peace” in environments that others find overwhelming - their brains may genuinely be finding regulation and calm through what seems like overstimulation.