I’m not really sure what to say but man does my head feel grainy. Almost like mental static.
Pretty weird last month. Early June got two episodes done, with Kirk’s going up in about a week and a half. Started this podcast guest-host connection site and probably will do a lot of remote episodes. 20th happened. Idk, really just stuff.
I’m at XCAL rn. It’s July 4th but the gym is close to empty, range is empty, 5:01 pm and I’m guessing evening Jits is out.
Kinda funky. I’m usually alone most of the time and I like that solitude in a way. But here, at XCAL, I’m usually interacting with people. Yet, except for one or two people, no one else.
It’s an unusual feeling to be in a state of being ready to have a spontaneous conversation but no one there to have it with. Not in a lonely way, it’s peaceful. Almost like opening your arms to someone for a hug and no one is there.
I might be kinda crazy thinking this is peaceful but it is. I’m internally smiling right now, it’s the beauty of impermanence. I guess it’s happened a lot the last couple days: where people are leaving, things are slower, and the world sounds quieter. And it’s beautiful.
A couple months ago I might have tried to find people to talk to or do more classes or something to get more socializing/social exposure. I don’t mean in a needy way but just to not feel alone all the time. However, today is different.
My muscles are tight, specifically the traps and along the spine. (I’m naturally hunching forward in a funky way.) My head feels foggy, I might have missed a bunch of nights with little REM sleep (body has all the energy; head doesn’t feel like it hasn’t actually slept even though I have), and I’m not too sure if all this is worth it.
no motivational speech here, no discipline talk or anything. Just writing down my unfiltered thoughts. Kinda hungry now that I think about it. Oh dam, now I’ve got an appetite. Can’t decide if I want an açaí bowl or pizza. Though the sugar crash from the açaí will be horrendous.
Anyways, that’s me right now. I do feel better writing this. Jay Johnson just said he’s not lifting today, so probably going to get the bowl.
Lots of love,
-Aren
P.S. I love my country 🇺🇸
“If you aren’t stressed from doing too much, you’re stressed from not doing what you care about.”
It’s possible I keep researching without actually learning. Let’s see if that helps lol