Self-Improvement Import

Monday, July 22, 2024

Self Reflection

Simple Ideas 3

Problems - External Perspective 4

Problems - Internal Perception 4

General 5

General - External Perspective 9

General - Internal Perception 11

Overview: Interpersonal, Conversation, and Charisma Skills 14

Interpersonal - Conversational Substance (Verbal) 15

Interpersonal - Emotional Connection (Non-verbal) 17

Interpersonal - Verbal and Non-Verbal 18

Quotes 19

Quotes - Internal Perception 20

Quotes - External Perspective 21

Definitions - Alpha Internal Perception 23

Definitions - Alpha External Perspective 24

Definitions - Bravo Internal Perception 25

Definitions - Bravo External Perspective 26

Definitions - Charlie Internal Perception 26

Definitions - Charlie External Perspective 27

How to Win Friends and Influence People 28

7 Habits of Highly Effective People 30

Analysis Methods 30

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Flow Blockers - Steven Kotler 31

Flow State - Rian Doris 35

Flow Tips - Steven Kotler 36

Logical Fallacies 38

Laws 39

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Simple Ideas

- Discipline over motivation

- Focus and consistency

- Ownership over blame

- Patience over impulse

- Initiation over avoidance

- Temperance over temptations

- Continuous improvement over delayed perfection

- Discomfort over comfort

- Journey over reward

- Time over money

- Clarity over agreement

- Integrity over popularity

- Charisma over conversation dominance

- Humility over pride

- Courtesy over dominance

- Perspective over perception

- Be like water

Internal Perception: the inside personality and outlook on life

Extreme Ownership, letting go, discipline

External Perspective: interactions, conversations, and interpersonal skills

Empathy, listening, charisma

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Problems - External Perspective

- Being charismatic even when I don’t want to

- Defaulting to humor that puts other people down

- Talking too much

- Preaching/giving advice

- Being sort of brutal with them

- Being in a hurry

- Not listening

- Don’t offer a solution to a woman’s problem. Their problem at that point is to have someone who will listen to them so they can sort through the problem themselves. At the end, then you can add advice.

Problems - Internal Perception

- Lack of Extreme Ownership

- Be less aggressive and less pushing other people down/being more supportive and encouraging

- How to want to improve yourself for your own success rather than for someone else - Judging people

- Assumptions and Speculations

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General

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• If you feel like you hate everyone, eat

• If you feel like everyone hates you, sleep

• If you feel like you hate yourself, shower

• If you feel like everyone hates everyone, go outside

• If you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts, write them down

• If you feel lost and alone, call a friend

• If you feel stuck in the past, plan for your future

• If you feel anxious about the future, focus on the present

• If you feel like you’re not enough, list your achievements

• If you feel like you can’t control anything, organize something small

• If you feel unloved, do something kind for yourself

• If you feel like no one understands, express yourself creatively

• If you feel restless, take a long walk

• If you feel like giving up, remember a time when you succeeded

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• 5 times to be quiet

- When someone tries to tell you how they feel

- When everyone is talking over each other

- When somebody won’t let you finish, they don’t want to listen to you anyways - When you’re searching yourself for an answer

- When you are experiencing a beautiful moment

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• Don’t take everything personally, not everyone thinks about you as often as you do

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• When you focus on problems, you’ll have more problems. When you focus on the possibilities, you’ll have more opportunities

• No matter how much it hurts now, some day you will look back and realize your struggle changed your life for the better

• There will always be a reason why you meet people, either you need them to change their life or you will be the one that changes theirs

• Never be afraid to try something new because life gets boring when you stay in the limits of what you already know

• When you are ignored by a person whose attention means the most to you, the reaction in your brain will be similar to physical pain

• Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory • Once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things you lack

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• If a person sleeps too much, they are unhappy

• If a person laughs a lot, even at silly things, they feel lonely inside

• If something tries to help and support others, it is likely they need the support as well

• When a person lies a lot, they might be insecure

• If a person constantly tries to stand out, it is likely they weren’t loved enough in the past

• If a person is aggressive, they have strong internal pain they hide inside

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- Marriage is being with someone who will remember you and care for you, through all the successes, pain, failures, highs and lows. Someone who will be there when no one else will.

• Make yourself a companion that you are comfortable with. Create a friend with yourself who is honest, not lying all the time, gently tell the truth about yourself. Tell yourself the truth in understanding and forgiveness. You are human, you will fail but that only means you will succeed. Become friends with the person you want to live

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with. Be encouraging, positive about the future, and encourage yourself to get out of the hole.

- “If you chase butterflies, they’ll fly away. If you build a beautiful garden, the butterflies will come. Even if they don’t come, you still have a beautiful garden.”

- “Stop focusing so much on trying to find the one and focus on being someone worth finding.”

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- Aesop's fables are known for their moral lessons, often conveyed through short stories featuring animals, mythical creatures, and everyday objects. Here are ten morals commonly found in Aesop's fables:

• Unity is Strength: "The Bundle of Sticks" teaches that unity among individuals makes them stronger together than they are alone.

• Slow and Steady Wins the Race: From "The Tortoise and the Hare," this moral emphasizes perseverance and consistency over hastiness.
• Appearances Can Be Deceptive: "The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing" warns against trusting appearances, as they can hide true intentions.
• Think Before You Act: "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" teaches the consequences of dishonesty and the importance of thinking before speaking.
• Don't Be Greedy: "The Dog and the Bone" illustrates the danger of being greedy and losing what one already has.
• Kindness Is Rewarded: "The Lion and the Mouse" shows that even small acts of kindness can be repaid with gratitude.
• Hard Work Pays Off: "The Ant and the Grasshopper" demonstrates the benefits of hard work and planning for the future.
• Do Not Judge Others Hastily: "The Fox and the Grapes" warns against criticizing what one cannot attain, and teaches not to hastily judge others.
• Do Not Trust Flatterers: "The Fox and the Crow" illustrates the danger of trusting those who flatter for their own gain.
• Wisdom Is Superior to Physical Strength: "The Lion's Share" shows that intelligence and wisdom can often outmatch physical strength or size.

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• Respect, valued, important, validated (being heard), empathetic listening (clarity over agreement). These are things every human wants and desires.
• Remember to say people’s names

- If your ego or pride is getting in the way, remember:

• Repair, replace, redirect and replenish your ego. Pushing it down will only cause it to rise back up faster and harder. Similar to a beach ball being pulled underwater - Go with the flow, accept the situation as it is/at face value, and let it go

- If someone goes out of their way to do something, express gratitude, appreciation, that it made your day

- Gratitude, appreciation, respect, admiration, value, commendable, grateful, sincere - Be specific won their actions/value they added

- Before ending a conversation, say you have one more question

- Every conversation starts because the initiating person wants something from the other person. It could be information, emotional value, emotional support, a favor, a connection, or to enjoy the social interaction

- Eye contact and focus on their whole face. If that doesn’t work, focus on what they are saying

- What is someone’s incentive to listen to you?

• Be like water: a source of life, dangerous if you drown, helps you to travel to new places

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• In the end, all you have is an opinion

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General - External Perspective

- Think about what the other person wants, not what you want

- Think about the initial question and not the entire interaction

- Enjoy the conversation itself

- Plan some conversations but know that most of it will be improvised

- Listen more, it helps with relationships

- People who critique you care enough to do so

- Some people have deep voices

- People want to talk because they have no one else to talk to

- Ask if they want feedback or just want to talk

- Replace But with And in a conversation where you are contradicting someone else - Talk about something that the other person has talked about before fore with a passion or something that gives them joy, they will inevitably keep the conversation going without any underlying guidance or direction

• Family, pets, hobbies, future aspirations and goals, something they enjoy doing with any outside stimulus

- No matter how dumb something sounds, some people find it important for themselves - Express gratitude for someone without having the need to give them a gift or a present

- Synergize: Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone

- Don’t take advantage of someone else’s kindness; reflect kindness with gratitude - Be comfortable with silence in a conversation and don’t rush a thought or idea - Push/Pull Method:

• Speak through a smile but not all the time. Be emotionally expressive • Try to guide the conversation to things that genuinely make you laugh • Own the space around you. Use your hands to speak

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• Platonic touches on the arm and leg are great in almost any situation

• Don’t force a laugh at everything. Don’t fake laughing

• Push/Pull: Tease the other person and give them a hard time to make them laugh or be kind and complimentary all the time hoping to make them feel good

• Be willing to laugh at yourself

• If you see something, such as a 1791 belt, ask them about it. Don’t start the conversation knowing more than them. Let them talk it out and show interest

• Don’t compare the person to anyone else, just compliment them for them - Ask “I’m curious” before stating your idea. Ask for their opinion

- Kindness is something the blind can see and the deaf can hear

- Start with an interjections, such as “hey” or “yo” before someone’s name

- Ask them how can you do better -take extreme ownership in your relationships, no matter how small they are

- Never correct other people. If they ask for it, don’t say it bluntly

- Speak slower and clearer, don’t rush the conversation or your words

- When someone wants to explain something you already know, let them. Keep your pride and let them explain it because they will be excited to tell you new information - Ask open ended questions to prevent talking about myself

- Remind yourself that the person will enjoy the conversation more if they are talking and I am not dominated the conversation

- Keep your ego and pride in check by looking for cues to support or extend the conversation topic

- Actively listen to what they are saying and find a way to relate to it

- Before jumping to conclusions, always take the inputs, perspectives, and opinion of everyone involved before taking action or executing judgement

- Look past a person’s outer shell: women: beauty and looks, men: wealth & power

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General - Internal Perception

- Discipline exists when there is no motivation and temptations are everywhere - Take the initiative or the illusion of initiation

- Initiate now before the opportunity is gone

- It is better to do something than to regret not doing anything

- You will regret all the things you didn’t do

- Be open minded, take a breath

- If it takes 1 hour to complete an assignment just before the deadline, it takes 1 hour to complete the assignment

- Where ever your focus is, that is where your joy or disparity will be

- Stay focused

- Everything will be alright

- 90% of things aren’t as bad as they seem

- The opposite of caring is indifference

- Stay objective

- Be flexible and open to change

- There are no exceptions, only standards

- Be patient, time is valuable but losing time later is just as valuable. Present time and future time is equally valuable, but not planning now and causing future problems will cause the future time to be more valuable and more costly.

• When you hit the bottom, you are open to the greatest amount of change - Dr. Robert Glover 3 Essences of an Attractive Man
• He is comfortable in his own skin, He knows where he is going, and He has fun going there

- Value yourself and have self-worth

- Remember that no one knows of your internal conversations you had with them. Don’t act like you already told that person everything you said in your head

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• Prove yourself right for a positive result rather than proving yourself right about a negative consequence or outcome

- Every second you think about someone else is one second less you can think about yourself

- Think about the amount of time is wasted when you don’t complete school work; all of the time of procrastination hurts you long term

- Give yourself a break to process any and all information; crash and burn

• Social Reality Theory / Intention-Behavior Gap

• Sharing goals with others can lead to a premature sense of accomplishment. When you tell people about your aspirations, the positive feedback and recognition you receive can create a feeling of satisfaction that can reduce your motivation to actually achieve the goal.

• Maturity generally refers to the qualities or characteristics of being fully developed in a psychological, emotional, or intellectual sense. It involves:

• Emotional Stability: Being able to manage and regulate emotions effectively, showing resilience in the face of challenges.

• Responsibility: Taking accountability for one's actions, decisions, and their consequences.
• Empathy: Understanding and considering others' perspectives, showing compassion and respect in interactions.
• Self-Awareness: Knowing one's strengths, weaknesses, values, and goals, and acting in alignment with them.
• Impulse Control: Having the ability to think before acting, considering long-term consequences over immediate gratification.
• Adaptability: Being flexible and open to change, adjusting behaviors and attitudes based on new information or experiences.
• Integrity: Acting with honesty, fairness, and ethical principles, even when faced with difficult choices.
• Overall, maturity encompasses a balanced and thoughtful approach to life's challenges, relationships, and personal growth, reflecting a deeper level of understanding and wisdom.

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• Dunning-Kruger Effect:
• A cognitive bias of not recognizing the incompetence of learning something new.
• The Dunning-Kruger effect is a cognitive bias where people with low ability, knowledge, or experience in a particular area overestimate their competence. This occurs because they lack the self-awareness to accurately assess their own skills.

Essentially, they are not knowledgeable enough to recognize their own incompetence.

• Conversely, more competent individuals often underestimate their own abilities, mistakenly assuming that tasks that are easy for them are also easy for others. This effect highlights the discrepancy between perceived and actual competence.

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Overview: Interpersonal, Conversation, and Charisma Skills - Major parts to a conversation

• Conversation Substance

- Story/Storytelling

- Connection/Something relatable

- Compliments

- Conflict resolution

- Empathy/Understanding

• Emotional Connection

- Energy

- Playfulness

- Keeping self-ego in check

- Humor/Laughter

- Active listening

- Facial expressions

- Body Language

- Tone of voice

- Verbal/non-verbal communication

• Conversation Initiations for an unknown person

- Start by commenting or complimenting something the other person’s appearance or action.

• A conversation is the drug for the emotional and imaginative mind
• In the context of flirting and dating, women might appreciate a slower, more nuanced approach that allows for emotional connection and buildup. This can create a sense of anticipation and deeper engagement.

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Interpersonal - Conversational Substance (Verbal)

- Actively look for genuine observational compliments

- Ask a rhetorical question that assumes something absurd

- Avoid defaulting to humor that puts someone else down. No one wants to talk to someone who might speak negatively about them behind their back

- Avoid filler words and discourse markers

- Avoid interview style

- Avoid too much humorous/being funny; try being charismatic and open-minded - Be an encouraging listener: ask a good question

- Be an encouraging listener: call out a good point

- Be fascinating, funny, and make others feel good

- Be playfully absurd

- Call out something that is cliche. Call out a cliche to something about things people won’t be insecure about.

• Compliment the people in your life and elevating the people around you

- Create a conversation that is fun and you are more playful than most people - Create interesting and open-ended questions to have the other person talking, not you

- Create jokes with innuendos

- Deadpan sarcasm: dry humor, or the deliberate display of emotional neutrality to contrast the ridiculousness of the subject matter

- Don’t be afraid of talking to people, just keep practicing, reflecting, and learning - Don’t make jokes at someone else’s expense

- Focusing on stories that you genuinely find funny (contagious laughter)

- Follow the compliment up with a joke to diffuse the compliment’s lavish praise and need to reject the compliment.

• Give high quality compliments, which are genuine, specific, and touches on something that the other person take pride in.

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• Give sincere compliments and appreciation without flattery or flirting

- Go with a joke on your own that is not about the other person and that is platonic - Have great and playful responses to common questions

• Where are you from?, What do you do?,Do you play the piano?
• Laugh about a disadvantageous situation by complimenting the other person’s ability to do something

- Playfully misinterpret something to break ice

- Share thoughts briefly then turn it back around and give them an opening to continue the conversation

- Talk about something that the other person has talked about before fore with a passion or something that gives them joy, they will inevitably keep the conversation going without any underlying guidance or direction

• Example: Family, pets, hobbies, future aspirations and goals, something they enjoy doing with any outside stimulus

- Teasing yourself and also other people

- Storytelling

• Start with a hook by setting the stakes, Tell the story in the present tense, Use sounds effects when necessary, Embody yourself and the characters, Make your story relatable

- The Direct Compliment: specificity, subject (personality, looks, body language, something special about them),

- The more specific you can make your compliments, the more genuine they feel and the greater impact they will have

- They have an emotional attachment to their childhood. What excites them - about their childhood - question - relate to your own life. Slip in a question about someone’s childhood, ask a few leading questions, and let them do the talking.

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Interpersonal - Emotional Connection (Non-verbal)

- Absurd compliments, push pull, dishing it back out, setting boundaries

- Actively listen

- Actively watch for negative reactions or for no answer for negative jokes

- Avoid dominating the conversations

- Be an encouraging listener: eye contact

- Be an encouraging listener: smile

- Be playful when asking a question

- By not initiating a conversation, but still making eye contacts and smiles, it is possible to have a good relationship without someone becoming emotionally attached to you - Charisma is a combination of confidence, communication, and connection on an emotional level

- Come into a room one energy level higher than the average person in that same situation

- Create an environment where people are safe and secure

- Do not interrupt. If you do, realize your mistake and allow them to keep going - Enjoy the conversation

- Flirt with the world. It is easier to approach someone you’re attracted to if you are already in an outgoing playful state. The way you interact with a woman you’re attracted to matched the energy and playfulness you interact with everyone else, it will be more natural.

• Get comfortable taking up the space around you

- Get comfortable with your worst case conversation scenario. One can be intentional awkward pauses.

• Just like Jiu-Jitsu, have control over the direction of the conversation but not the substance or becoming the substance

- Keep a warm, even, and active tone

- Keep ego and pride in check, practice humility and peace/serenity

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• Lead with some form of touch (handshake, hug)

- Leaned back body language. Leaning forward creates space and less intrusive. - The less awkward you are about something that is generally considered awkward, the less awkward it will be

- Lower your filter and laugh easily but not excessively

- Maintain eye contact

- Make people feel good without losing their respect.

• No flirting, just a friendly conversation

- Open the door and let their ego in first, and forget abut your own

- Plant seeds into their mind to have them think after the conversation

- Prime yourself before going into a social situation by watching funny videos that you want to emulate

- Teasing, absurdity, misinterpretation, innuendos

Interpersonal - Verbal and Non-Verbal

- Captivate and hold attention so that you don’t get talked over and get zoned out

• Use hand motions that syncs with the meaning of your words (The Charades Rule) • Visualize your words with your hands
• Use your tone of voice for something good and then turn it to something bad that is unexpected (Fakeout)

- Start every conversation in a fun and positive way. A high energy and energetic compliment. Use unique word choice and effusive positive energy that is step up than the environment.

• It is an art to getting people to talk and open up to finding something that lights up their face and gets them excited.

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Quotes

• In God we trust. We the People. Join or Die. Don’t tread on me.
• “Give me Liberty or give me Death.”
• “Those who would give up essential Liberty, to purchase a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.”
• “That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of

Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.”

• “Freedom is not a gift bestowed upon us by other men, but a right that belongs to us by the laws of God and nature.”
• “It is impossible to govern the world without God. It is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the Providence of Almighty God, to obey his will, to be grateful for his benefits and humbly implore his protection and favor.”
• “If Socialists understood economics, they wouldn’t be Socialists.”
• “Laws that forbid the carrying of arms disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes.”
• “Without Freedom of Thought, there can be no such Thing as Wisdom; and no such Thing as publick Liberty, without Freedom of Speech.
• “In other eyes, my life is the essence of success, but aside from work, I have a little joy. And in the end, wealth is just a fact of life to which I am accustomed. At this moment, lying on the bed, sick and remembering all my life, I realize that all my recognition and wealth that I have is meaningless in the face of imminent death. You can hire someone to drive a car for you, make money for you — but you can not rent someone to carry the disease for you. One can find material things, but there is one thing that can not be found when it is lost — life. Your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world. Whether you’re flying first class, or economy class — if the plane crashes, you crash with it.”

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Quotes - Internal Perception

- “Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passion, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.”

- “Always stand on principle….even if you stand alone.”

- “99% of failures come from people who make excuses.”

- “The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools.”

- “Whenever a people or an institution forget its hard beginnings, it is beginning to decay."

- “Weakness in other men does not justify weakness in yourself”

- Good people prevent others from feeling their pain, bad people inflict their pain on others

- Good decisions come from experience, experience comes from bad decisions - Those who have a commitment, and those who require the the commitment of others - The people who initiate are favored

- “Is it your own destiny or is it a destiny someone else has tried to force on you. It is time to look inward and begin asking yourself the big questions. Who are you? And what do you want?”

- “Pride is not the opposite of shame, but its source. True humility is the only antidote to shame.”

- “We suffer more in our imagination than in reality.” - Seneca

- “Our life is what our thoughts make it.” - Marcus Aurelius

- "If you can only get what you want by telling a lie, then you are not smart enough to get it by telling the truth" - Jordan Peterson

- What is new for you isn’t new for someone else, what is old for you isn’t old for someone else.

• “90% of problems can be solved by a good nights rest, a glass of water, a talk with a friend, or a training session.” - Chris Williamson

- “It’s never too late to be what you could have been”

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• “Thinking is difficult, which is why most people judge”

- A fool is known by his speech and a wise man by his silence - Pythagoras

- If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room - Pythagoras

- If someone doing something stupid does not justify you doing something stupid - Focus on the goal but always leave room to improvise and adapt

- “The quieter you are, the more you are able to hear.” - Lao Tzu

- Enter their spirit and you’re hearing them say things to you of what they’re missing in life of what they want what their needs are of what makes them individual. absorb your entry into spirit and then you reflect back to them. You can give them gifts you can take them to that show that you attentive to them because if you look at how we are our day life normally never pay attention if you give never pay attention if you give. -Robert Greene

- “It doesn’t matter, it’s in the past. The past can hurt. You can run from it or learn from it.” - Rafiki The Lion King

- Practice letting small bad things happen. - Tim Ferris/Chris Williamson

- The emotionally immature man seeks out motivation to do something hard one time.

The emotionally mature man uses discipline to do something hard a thousand times. - It is not about doing the right thing, it is about knowing what is right.

• “These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized.”

- Plan for the future. Don’t over plan or take too much time or the opportunity will pass.

Plan, test, re-plan, implement, repeat

Quotes - External Perspective

- “You have only one way to convince others, listen to them.” - “It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company”

- “Seek to understand before being understood.” Stephen Covey - Seek clarity and understanding rather than agreement

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• “It is better to be quiet and have people think you are a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.” - Mark Twain

- “Care about what other people think and you will be their prisoner.” - Lao Tzu - Don’t build the clock, tell the time

- “Don’t watch the clock, do what it does. Keep going.”

- “Familiarity breeds contempt.” - Aesop

- Lead the conversation

- Be one energy level higher than normal

- Listen twice as much as you speak

- “I‘ll take care of me for you, if you’ll take care of you for me” - Jim Rohan

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Definitions - Alpha Internal Perception

• Bravery: To confront the things you are afraid of.
• Discipline: The ability to control one's behavior and actions, essential for achieving goals and maintaining routines. Discipline requires motivation, self-regulation, and resilience in the face of challenges.
• Extreme ownership: Taking full responsibility for one's actions and outcomes,

emphasizing accountability and proactive problem-solving. Extreme ownership fosters leadership and team cohesion in challenging situations.

• Initiation: The action of beginning or starting something, crucial for progress and achievement. Overcoming procrastination involves setting clear goals and taking decisive action.
• Integrity: Adherence to moral and ethical principles; honesty in actions and decisions. Integrity builds trust and respect in personal and professional relationships.
• Honesty: Truthfulness and sincerity in behavior and communication, crucial for building trust and credibility in relationships and society. Dishonesty can erode trust and lead to damaged relationships or legal consequences.
• Honor: The quality of being honest, fair, and morally upright. It involves adherence to ethical principles and maintaining a strong sense of integrity and respectability in one's actions and relationships. Honor is the opposite of dishonor and disgrace.
• Humility: The quality of having a modest view of one’s own importance. It involves one’s limitations, being open to feedback, and valuing the contributions and perspectives of others without pride or arrogance. Humility is the opposite of pride.
• Secure: Free from danger or threat; confident and stable in one's identity and relationships. Feeling secure promotes emotional well-being and resilience in facing life's challenges.
• Self-directed neuroplasticity: The brain's ability to change its own structure and function through thought and activity, influencing learning, habits, and emotional regulation. Practicing mindfulness and cognitive exercises can enhance neuroplasticity.
• Selfishness: Concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure, often at the expense of others' needs or well-being. Balancing self-interest with empathy and consideration for others promotes healthier relationships

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• Self-respect: Pride and confidence in oneself, based on honoring personal values and boundaries. Cultivating self-respect involves self-care practices and assertive communication.
• Stoic: Enduring pain or hardship without showing emotions or complaining, rooted in principles of self-control and resilience. Stoicism emphasizes acceptance of life's challenges and focus on virtue.
• Temperance: Moderation and self-restraint, especially in areas like eating and drinking, to achieve balance and avoid excess. Practicing temperance promotes physical health and emotional stability.

Definitions - Alpha External Perspective

• Charisma: Compelling attractiveness or charm that inspires devotion in others, often linked to confidence, empathy, and effective communication skills. Developing charisma can enhance leadership and interpersonal influence.
• Empathy: The ability to understand and share the feelings of another, fostering compassion and connection in interpersonal interactions. Cultivating empathy involves active listening and perspective-taking.
• Respect: Esteem for the feelings, rights, and traditions of others, essential for fostering positive relationships and teamwork. Respecting diversity and boundaries promotes inclusivity and mutual understanding.
• Social Confidence: Assurance and comfort in social interactions and settings, stemming from positive self-perception and social skills. Building social confidence involves practice, self-awareness, and learning from social experiences.

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Definitions - Bravo Internal Perception

• Burn-Out: Physical or mental exhaustion often caused by prolonged stress and overwhelming responsibilities, leading to decreased motivation and effectiveness. Preventing burnout involves self-care, work-life balance, and seeking support when needed.
• Dignity: The quality for being worthy of honor, respect, and esteem. It involves a sense of self-worth and recognition of inherent value in oneself and others, regardless of circumstances or differences. Dignity is the opposite of indignity.
• Ego: One's sense of self-importance or self-esteem, influencing behavior and interactions with others. Balancing a healthy ego involves self-awareness and empathy towards others' perspectives.
• Ethics: Ethics refers to moral principles that govern a person's behavior or the conduct of an activity. It involves distinguishing between right and wrong and making decisions based on principles of fairness, honesty, and integrity. Ethics is the opposite of unethical or immoral
• Morality: Principles concerning the distinction between right and wrong behavior, often shaped by cultural norms, religious beliefs, and personal values. Moral dilemmas arise when ethical decisions are complex or conflicting.
• Motivation: The inner drive or desire to accomplish a goal, influenced by intrinsic (personal satisfaction) and extrinsic (rewards) factors. Understanding and harnessing motivation can enhance productivity and well-being.
• Responsibility: the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone. It can also refer to the state of being accountable or to the obligations and duties associated with a particular role or position. Responsibility is the opposite of irresponsibility:
• Social masking: refers to altering one's behavior to fit in with the expectations of a group or social setting. In this case, being overly playful and silly in a group might be an adaptive response to the group dynamics, while maintaining maturity and attentiveness in one-on-one interactions. This can be a way to navigate different social contexts and manage social relationships effectively.

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Definitions - Bravo External Perspective

• Boundaries: Limits that define acceptable behavior and interactions with others, crucial for maintaining personal autonomy and well-being. Setting and enforcing boundaries promotes healthy relationships and self-respect.
• Countenance: A person's facial expression or demeanor, reflecting emotions and attitudes. A composed countenance can convey confidence and approachability in social and professional settings.
• Reactance: a psychological response where people experience an aversion to being controlled or losing their sense of freedom. When someone tells you to do something, it can trigger a desire to assert your autonomy, even if you were already planning to do the task. This reaction is a way to resist perceived restrictions on your

independence.

Definitions - Charlie Internal Perception

• Arrogance: Exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities, often accompanied by a dismissive attitude towards others. Arrogance can hinder collaboration and personal growth, requiring humility and self-awareness to overcome.
• Fear: An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, leading to physiological responses like increased heart rate and avoidance behaviors. Facing fears gradually through exposure therapy can reduce fear responses.
• Insecure: Lacking confidence or assurance; uncertain and anxious about oneself or one's abilities. Building self-esteem and seeking support can help alleviate feelings of insecurity.
• Pride: A feeling of deep feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction for one’s own achievements, qualities, or possessions. It can also be a sense of dignity and self-respect. Pride is the opposite of humility.
• Shame: A painful emotion caused by a sense of guilt, embarrassment, or disgrace over one's actions or characteristics, impacting self-esteem and social interactions. Overcoming shame often involves self-compassion and acceptance.

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• Social Anxiety: An intense fear of social situations, often leading to avoidance behavior due to fear of judgment, embarrassment, or rejection. Cognitive-behavioral therapies can help individuals manage and reduce social anxiety.

Definitions - Charlie External Perspective

• Belittlement: Disparaging or making someone feel small or unimportant through words or actions, damaging self-esteem and relationships. Encouraging and valuing others' contributions promotes respect and collaboration.
• Boasting: Talking with excessive pride and self-satisfaction about one's

achievements, possessions, or abilities, potentially alienating others. Modesty and humility can balance out tendencies towards boasting.

• Dominance: refers to assertive behaviors and traits that aim to control or influence others, reflecting a tendency towards leadership and social hierarchy. Its opposite, submissiveness, involves yielding to others' authority or deferring in social interactions.
• Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into doubting their own perceptions, memory, or sanity, often through denial or distortion of reality. Recognizing gaslighting tactics and seeking validation can protect against psychological harm.
• Gloating: Dwelling on one's own success or another's misfortune with smugness or malignant pleasure, damaging relationships and fostering resentment. Practicing humility and celebrating others' achievements can counteract gloating tendencies.
• Power complex: An exaggerated sense of power or superiority over others, often leading to authoritarian behavior and disregard for others' perspectives. Overcoming a power complex requires humility and respect for diversity.
• Incompetence: Lack of ability or skill to perform effectively in a particular role or task, requiring training or support to improve. Recognizing and addressing incompetence can lead to personal growth and development.
• Insinuation: An indirect or subtle suggestion or hint, especially of a derogatory nature, often used in communication to imply something without directly stating it. Clear and direct communication can prevent misunderstandings arising from insinuation.
• Overbearing: Acting in a domineering or dictatorial manner, often imposing one's will on others. Developing empathy and collaborative skills can mitigate overbearing behavior.

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How to Win Friends and Influence People

• Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

• Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain

• Give honest and sincere appreciation

• Arouse in the other person an eager want

• Six Ways to Make People Like You

• Become genuinely interested in other people

• Smile

• Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language

• Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves

• Talk in terms of the other person’s interest

• Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely

• How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

• The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it

• Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “you’re wrong”

• If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

• Begin in a friendly way

• Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately

• Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

• Let the other person feel that the idea was theirs

• Try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of view

• Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas or desires

• Appeal to nobler motives

• Dramatize your ideas

• Throw down a challenge

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• Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

• Begin with praise and honest appreciation

• Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

• Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

• Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

• Let the other person save face

• Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

• Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

• Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

• Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

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7 Habits of Highly Effective People

- Be proactive

- Begin with the end in mind

- Put first things first

- Think win-win

- Seek first to understand before being understood

- Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long- term, and effective lifestyle

- Synergize: Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals that no one could have done alone

- Quadrant I. Urgent and important (Do) – important deadlines and crises

- Quadrant II. Not urgent but important (Plan) – long-term development

- Quadrant III. Urgent but not important (Delegate) – distractions with deadlines - Quadrant IV. Not urgent and not important (Eliminate) – frivolous distractions

Analysis Methods

- SWOT: Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats

- STAR: Situation, Task, Action, Result

- Effective Ownership: Problem, Consequences, Ownership, Solution, Implementation - Extreme Ownership: Take ownership, Clearly state why this is happening, State the shortfalls, Plan and organize how to improve, Execute the improvement

- SMEAC: Situation, Mission, Execution, Administration & Logistics, Command & Signal

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Flow Blockers - Steven Kotler

• Eliminate Distractions

• Ignoring as an active process and takes a significant amount of energy

• Focus is the ability to suppress spontaneity

• Carve out a time to engage in active flow state

• End Self Sabotage

• Consistent execution

• Consistency is keeping your word to yourself

• Unlocking Pristine Clarity

• Lack of clarity is uncertainty

• Without clear goals, we can’t direct our attention and get stuck in analysis mode • The prefrontal cortex becomes overactive trying to determine which direction to go rather than moving in any direction

• It is better to move forward in the wrong direction than to stay static and avoid moving forward at all

• Pick a massively transformative purpose: Having an overarching goal that you’re passionate about will drive norepinephrine and dopamine into your system.

• Set some high and hard goals: goals that are long term but not infinite

• Set daily clear goals: The clearer you are about what a task involves, the less you have to engage in high level prefrontal cortex dominant activities and the more easily you’ll be able to slip deep into flow. Every day you should derive clear goals from your 1-3 year out high hard goals.

• Making Burnout Impossible

• Understand active recovery, which is doing things that are going to speed up your return to baseline

• Flow state is one stage in a four stage physiological cycle, recovery being the final phase

• Live life as either fully on or fully off, working intensely and productively or recovering as deep as possible. Anything in between in the gray zone

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• An insufficient reward is just as bad as overworking when it comes to initiating burnout. Create a definition of done for each work day as a small victory.
• Putting an End to Exhaustion
• Sleep Hygiene 101

- Sleep is a basic form of flow hygiene

- Don’t eat 2 hours before bed

- Sleep in a cold and totally dark room

- No screens before bed

- No caffeine after 12:00 pm

- Exercise intensely at least three hours before bed

- Maintain a routine to wind down before bed

- Close all open cognitive loops by writing everything out that’s on your mind

• Train to Sleep while awake

- Practice dropping into an incredibly relaxed state

- One way is though Yoga Nidra

• Spend 9 hours in bed to get 8 hours of sleep

• Some of the hormones that can prevent sleep is cortisol, adrenaline norepinephrine - To reduce these levels, a hot shower, foam rolling, breath work, or a sauna.

Something that can shift your body out of work mode - The Overwhelm Fallacy

• Eliminate as much as possible

- Take what is non-essential and set it aside until you have the bandwidth

• Get Clear on Urgency

- Catastrophizing: extreme urgency is a cognitive distortion and an irrational thought pattern

• Get mindful

- Anything that helps extend the gap between stimulus and response

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• Meditation, vipassana meditation, breath work, gratitude journaling, and mindful walking

- At least 20 minutes a day

• Drop the Challenge Level

- Flow exists in the sweet spot between boredom and anxiety

- If the task is too challenging, you’ll overreach and be pushed into a state of anxiety

- If the task is below your skill level, you’ll be under stimulated and drop into a state of boredom

- Bring down the challenge level by reducing your expectations, drop into flow and start blazing forward again.

• Battling Stress
• Three types of stress: acute, episodic acute, and chronic
• Chronic Stress causes atrophy of the amygdala and the hippocampus • Three tools to reduce stress: raise the perception of stress ceiling, reduce the stress response, and bring the underaroused state up
• To raise the perception of stress: engage in short bursts of acute stress such as a workout, ice bath, or deep tissue massage
• To reduce the stress response: Cognitive Reframing

- A frame is a psychological device that offers a perspective and manipulates the perception of what is important to influence how you think about something - View stress as a positive sign of growth and expansion

• Rapid Nasal Breath

- Take a long, deep breath in through your nose. When it feels like you can’t breath any more air in, rapidly sniff as hard as you can.

• Time Management
• Parkinson’s Law: work.expands so as to fill the time available for its completion
• Set deadlines, create a container for the work, add an artificial sense of urgency

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• Urgency is one of the 21 flow triggers

• XDS Approach: What can be eliminated entirely (X), What can be delegated (D), and what can be systemized (S)

• If in doubt, do it. If it can kind of be eliminated, eliminate it

• Important before urgent. Do the important things first (rocks) before doing the urgent things (sand) into the jar of things to do.

• Straightening out your mindset

• A mindset is a self-perception/self-theory that people hold about themselves • Fixed mindset: assumes that a person’s character, intelligence, and creative abilities are static givens

- Success is a byproduct of that inherent intelligence

• Growth mindset: thrives on challenge and sees failure as an inevitability on the path to growth, not as evidence of unintelligence.

• Three kinds of mind: negative mind, positive mind, and no mind

- Negative mind: a type of cognitive choking (similar to a fixed mindset). Filled with self-criticism, worry, doubt, and limiting thoughts that lead to a constriction of the inner experience

- Positive mind: a growth mindset with optimism, a place that creates space. It can also be a calm or neutral in tone

- No mind: flow state. A locked state, engrossed and engage in the present moment and thoughts fade away entirely

• It is not possible to jump from the negative to the positive mind

• Growth mindset/Positive Mind leads to Calm & Neutral Self Talk which leads to flow - Automatic Motivation

• Passion is a focusing mechanism. It drives performance, increases productivity, and triggers flow.

• Over time, flow produces extreme intrinsic motivation

• Passion leads to focus which leads to flow which leads to intrinsic motivation

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• Make a list of 25 things you are curious about. Be as specific and as technical as possible

• Hunt for intersections. Find places where those 25 ideas intersect. When multiple curiosity steams intersects, you create the necessary conditions for pattern recognition. Recognizing a pattern adds a little bit of dopamine.

• Dopamine is a focusing chemical

• Play in the topic and feed the curiosities on a daily basis. Advancing the knowledge a little at a time allows the subconscious to process the information.

• Add social reinforcement for newfound passion.
• List another 15 massive problems that everyone has to deal with that have to be solved. The world’s biggest problems are the biggest business opportunities

Flow State - Rian Doris

• Chronotype

• Determined by circadian rhythms

• Chronotype is the outward manifestation of your internal circadian rhythms • There is a Chronotype zone, where there is peak cognitive resources, and the Trough, where the cognitive resources are at their lowest

• Flow Cycle: Struggle, Release, Flow, Recovery

• Three types of Chronotypes:

- Larks: wake up at 6 am

- Owls: wake up at 10 am

- Third birds - wake up at 8 am

• Alpha & Theta brainwaves: associated with flow state

• Ask “When do I have optimal cognitive resources to do this task?”

• Energy arbitrage - leveraging peak biological resources available only during your Chronotype zone

• 1 hour in the Chronotype zone can equal 4 hours in the Trough

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• Chronotype is macro energy and cognition

• Circadian, Infradian, Utradian rhythms are micro level fluctuations

• Burst-Break: Burst intensely, break completely

• Breaks can either boost flow or snap out of flow entirely

- Breaks must be low in cognitive stimulation

- Breaks must be lower than the flow state

- Breaks must starve the dopamine-fueled brain so the real work is more enticing to get back into

Flow Tips - Steven Kotler

• Optimizing Your Brain for Flow

• Beta waves: normal waking consciousness

• Alpha waves: day-dreaming mode, slipping from thought to thought without much internal resistance

• Theta waves: shows up during REM and just before sleep. It is the hypnogogic gap where ideas combine

• Transient hypofrontality: the temporary deactivation of the prefrontal cortex • Dorsolateral prefrontal cortex: the part of the brain with self-monitoring and impulse control. It is the inner critic - voice of doubt and disparagement

• Flow triggers large amounts of norepinephrine, dopamine, endorphins,

anandamide, and serotonin

• Norepinephrine and dopamine help focus and imagination. They also lower signal- to-noise ratios which increases pattern recognition

• Anandamide increases lateral thinking (the database used when recognizing patterns)

• Eliminating Friction for Superfluidity

• Friction is anything that adds unnecessary effort to the end goal

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• Hacking Reading

• Use a visual pacer. A finger, pencil, whatever it is

- Our eyes are attracted to motion

- Use your left finger or hold the pacer in your left hand

• The left side of the body is controlled by the right side of the brain

• The right side is far more creative than the left

• The 4 Steps to Become a Corporate Athlete

• The number of hours in a day is fixed but the quantity and quality of energy available is variable

• Energy is the lever point for performance. Elite performance is grounded in the management and mobilization of energy

• Leverage oscillation

• Deploying active recovery

• Adopting a binary approach to work

• Systematizing flow state

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• How to use Spite as Motivation

• You get great pleasure out of proving other people wrong.

• These are reminders of all the times people doubted you and all the times you proved them wrong

• Spite is the little nudge that says to go harder, focus more, and stretch farther - Go harder means take a little risk

- Focus means increase concentration on the task at hand

- Stretching farther means punching on the challenge-skills balance

• To boast, use prior successes as the core of the boast. This will remind you of your capabilities (which lowers, anxiety, increases focus, amps up motivation,tunes the challenge-skills sweet spot, and drives flow).

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• Every time you exceed expectations, you gain a deeper level of confidence

Logical Fallacies

- Appeal to Tradition

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Laws

• Conway's Law: "Organizations design systems that mirror their own communication structure." This law suggests that the structure of a product will reflect the

communication structure of the organization that produced it.

• Dilbert Principle: "The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management." This cynical principle suggests that organizations often promote their least competent employees to management positions.
• Falkland's Law: "When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision." This law advocates for avoiding unnecessary decisions, promoting patience and careful consideration before acting.
• Gilbert's Law: "The biggest problem at work is that no one tells you what to do." This law points to the challenges of unclear instructions or lack of communication in a work environment, which can lead to confusion and inefficiency.
• Hanlon's Razor: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." This principle advises against assuming bad intentions when incompetence could be the cause.
• Kidlin's Law: "If you can write the problem down clearly, then the matter is half solved." This law emphasizes the importance of clearly defining a problem as a crucial step toward finding its solution.
• Murphy's Law: "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." This law is a popular adage highlighting the inevitability of errors or mishaps in any given situation.
• Parkinson's Law: "Work expands to fill the time available for its completion." This law suggests that tasks will take as long as the time allotted to them.
• Pareto Principle (80/20 Rule): "80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes." This principle is used in various contexts to highlight that a small proportion of causes or efforts often lead to a majority of the results.
• Peter Principle: "In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of

incompetence." This principle states that people are promoted based on their performance in their current role until they reach a position where they are no longer competent.

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